The Frenchman

This smile.  I know I’ve shared this image before, but I still love this man. The twinkle in the eye, the ruddy cheeks. The man had been sitting out the front of his home, too lovely to ignore.  I normally take sneaky shots of people, I’m ashamed to say, but this time it was different, too obvious and plus he’d already seen me and was smiling.  I approached his group and asked if I could take their photo.  The women laughed, rolling their eyes at each other.  He was delighted.  I’d been so nervous asking, but his grin reassured me.  

My friends know I have a thing for older souls – our elders who have lived long and seen things.  Seen what we haven’t seen, had experiences we haven’t yet had.  They are people rich with memories yet they’re often not heard and have stories we don’t hear.  When I think about it, these older souls are not unlike another my obsession, old tractors: for me there’s a beauty in well-worn legs or wheels travelling at their slow and steady pace, their minds and motors brimming from countless miles covered on this earth.  Like this man.

The day I saw him, I’d been walking around a small French town I didn’t know, Burlats, some hours’ drive from us.  We’d just arrived, a few parents accompanying teachers and their 30 young élèves, aged 4-10 years, for my daughter’s school music trip. The kids were excited and running in all directions, happy to have arrived (ie VERY happy – please picture 30 hyper, chatty children in a large bus slowly winding its way through the Montagnes Noires – a long and wonky journey resulting in 28 small unwell stomachs emptying in unison, forcing an overwhelmed driver of a stinking bus to pull over.  The trip itself had been something to remember, a total barforama).


I’d been marvelling at the ancient monuments and the beauty of its rural setting, perched high in hills above the Agout river…


Wandering behind some kids, I spied a group of locals set up on plastic chairs in the full afternoon light.  The beret caught my attention, and I made a beeline in their direction.  I said bonjour, explained we were visiting on a school trip and, for once, asked permission to take their photo.

For a while, this man’s photo hung on the walls of our village cafe, Grand Café Occitan.  The Frenchman with no name. I’d printed it with a few others and they were for sale.  The man watched over diners but no-one took him home.  I was quite happy actually – because he’s been leaning on a wall in our house ever since, and each time I see him I smile.  It might be his cheeky smile reminds me of my dad?  My dad’s far from me, living in Australia and I miss him. What I would give to get him out here with a bunch of his mates and see them sitting on the public bench alongside the older folk of our village – chatting, watching the world go by.  Dad and his mates might even introduce a bottle or two of red for the occasion – unheard of in these parts. 

But I’m rambling.  Why am I talking about older folk and this particular photo?   Because I have something new to add to this story, my Frenchman with no name now has a name.  

We were having dinner, Benji and me with friends of ours on holiday at the Cafe Occitan.  There’s not many of us left – our table of 4 and a large, festive table of people from out of town celebrating a birthday.  I head to the loo as we’re about to go, and as I’m walking back to our table, I hear the music has upped a few notches and see the birthday party has revved up with all the guests on their feet and dancing.  A man from the group motions over to me and I plan a polite merci, non merci for an offer to dance.  A second later he’s standing before me trying to explain over the noise that someone in his group wants to meet me, would this be ok. He brings over a lady whose face is beaming who tells me she wanted to meet the person whose photos had hung on the walls of this cafe, and had found out it was me.  It’s been years since the photos came down, but she had remembered one in particular, the one of her father, sitting in his village in front of his home, with a beret on his head. 

This smiling woman wanted to tell me how happy it had made her, the surprise all those years ago, of seeing her father on the wall in a cafe so far from their home. She told me her father’s name was André.  We hugged and I melted.  I couldn’t thank this woman enough for introducing herself and sharing this.  I explained which year I’d taken his photo and why I had been in their town, and we laughed as I described my meeting with her father and his warm, jovial manner with me.  That sounds like him she said, and told me that he had passed one year after the photo was taken.  We hugged again and exchanged our numbers so I could send her all the photos I had of André. 

La Force

If you could register* all the events in life – the good, the bad, the memorable and the ones you are reluctant to remember…  You cherish them, are thankful for them, ignore them, fear them.  They make you what you are and hopefully, influence you to carry yourself forward, strong and determined to keep looking around the next corner.

“Life’s not a straight line,” I still hear Mamy (my French grandmother) saying to me, many years ago when I’d had my first taste of mortality, at a time I would prefer to forget.  I was sitting there at rock-bottom, listening to the words of this discreet and loving 87 year-old woman as she reeled off dark events in her life (nursing my baby for me, far physically stronger than me – my baby the beautiful being in this heavy time).  She spoke with dignity and humility. I’d had no idea of what she’d been through in her life – this petite, elegant woman who I already loved for how she observed people around her (I was doing a hell of a lot of that myself, not understanding or speaking the language of my new home), her conspiratorial grin and her willingness to accept me into the foreign family I’d suddenly landed myself in.  I looked upon her with new eyes.  She told me with certainty I would get through this time.  Mamy’s strength and empathy empowered me.  I thought, if she got through all of that, I can.

Many events have followed this conversation – and amidst the beautiful, there’s bloody well been a steady drum roll of tough ones for our family in the last few years.  But I understand the thread that runs through all of them, the good the bad, that collects me in its force and nurtures me.  It’s love. I sound bloody kitsch.  I don’t want to imply ‘lurve’, the cliched Hallmark cards or tits and arse ideas of lurve. I mean the big love. Love for and from the people in this life with me.  It empowers me, making me cherish today and determined to see tomorrow.

*I’ve been OCD-recording visual images on my Instagram feed, vigneronswife

 

 

 

 

 

 

not Zzzzing, Bzzzing

buzzing

I feel like I’ve emerged from a big sleep.

But I haven’t been sleeping.

I haven’t been nodding off, I’ve been just temporarily out of action.

My mind though, has been in overdrive and whirring and whirring.  It’s been having a huge time, chock full of stuff – crap, weird stuff, joy, confusion, peace, weird stuff – buzzing like the beautiful bumblebees around me in the garden right now.

image

But as Spring gets into its step, I am starting too as well.  I can get up, get out, bloody well brushing off the dirt from the last scrape.  The mind is buzzing and ready to clear out the crap.

image from 'Old Tom's Holiday', by Leigh Hobbs,  ABC Books, 2002
felt something like this…

Just one of those little chunks of life that reminds you (again) that it’s good to have life (again).

Please don’t chuck.  I’m sorry for the harp music, the chubby little cherubs and the waffle – sounds like I’ve lost it (again), but I mean it.

And stuff it, they’re flying right above me now with the bumblebees.